In celebration of Valentine’s, it is with extreme gratitude that I get to share some of the invaluable wisdom of my spiritual teacher, Sivan Garr, as she shares keys to having the most amazing relationships possible in life.
6 Spiritual Truths to Great Relationships
People that know me, know that I believe that relationships are precious. Your partner is opening their beings to you and that is a very valuable gift. It is through interaction with others that we can truly begin to see who we are and grow into who we want to be!
Below, I have given some very general guidelines about relationships. If you try to follow these guidelines even just a little, I have no doubt you will experience miracles! However, I would also like to say that every situation, person and relationship is so unique that it is impossible to cover them all in this brief writing.
Many people come to me to tell me that they are just not sure about their partner. And, that they do not know how to be sure that this is the right person. Or, they say, “Only if my partner would do or change (fill in the blank) then I would be able to love them more.” This stems from the fact that we are all so afraid of pain, we don’t want to be too committed, just in case it ends.
We are not total in our relationships for many reasons, fears and doubts. However, it should be very clear, that if we are closed, mistrustful and unsure, our words and actions and body language reflect that. Which means that our partner is reacting to our unspoken message of doubt. If people do not feel totally loved and appreciated, they will be watchful, wary and defensive.
The only way to know who your partner would truly be in a relationship with you, is to BE TOTALLY IN IT! You can never know what it is like to swim by sitting at the edge of the pool with your feet in the water. You simply have to jump in. This does not mean you have to get married, live together or make any verbal commitments. It does mean that you would have to do your best to love that person like crazy, let them clearly know that you are with them and give them every indication that you are serious about building a relationship with them.
Make an effort to show kindness to that person all the time. Smile. Be happy to see them. Offer kind words, compliments. Speak joyfully about your life together. Ask yourself what it would look like to care about that person. What would it take to be patient and thoughtful in your responses? Imagine how you would like them to treat you. Then practice those things with them.
Kindness is such a rare commodity. If we somehow think we are being kind, but are not really practicing kindness, then chances are that we are very wrongly justifying being mean, short, closed or in a bad mood.
Maybe our lack of kindness stems from having a bad day at work, depression or frustration at something. Still, our partner bears the brunt of this and that does not bode well for a great and happy relationship!
Generosity has such an important place in the world of healing and healing relationships. At the same time, generosity can be controversial as well because it brings up the fear that perhaps we will get taken advantage of, or that we will perhaps drain ourselves by giving too much.
However, generosity is more a state of being. If you are generous, then your position is, “Your happiness is as important as my own!” If you are generous, then you say, “I want to have what I want and I also want you to have what you want as well!”
You truly cannot be happy in a relationship if your partner is unhappy. Therefore, each of us should strive for a willingness to support our partners in their lives and endeavors.
Everyone wants to be seen and recognized for who they are and what they bring to the world and a relationship. I have worked with many couples, before and after break-ups and one of the biggest complaints people have about each other is not being appreciated. And often, both parties have this complaint at the same time!
Imagine that you want your partner to value who you are. You want them to be able to truly ‘see’ you. You want to know that their love for you is deep and real and connected to your true self! Yes! Then you must see, appreciate and respect your partner for who they are!
It also is generous and important to tell your partner the things that you appreciate about them and how much they mean to you! Tell them how much you appreciate the small things, like washing dishes, cooking dinner, taking out the trash and tell them about the big things, like who they are in the world and what their values are that are important to you. Make sure your partner knows that you really get and are excited about who they are!
What you say is important. Be wise and mindful about the words you use when discussing issues with your mate. Certain words can create deep emotional wounds. Try to be more than clear and aware of the impact on your partner of what you are saying.
Here are some communication pointers:
- Before you say anything, in your mind, say, “I love you.” before you speak.
- Keep your communication positive. Say things like, “I want to work this out.” or “I know we can find a solution.”
- Don’t ever name call, don’t throw insults, and don’t use threats.
- In a difficult conversation, we want to be heard, but keep your intention on both parties feeling peaceful and satisfied in the end.
- Be very clear and very real. If your feelings are hurt, avoid attacking, instead start out saying, “my feelings are hurt…”
Sometimes we are the meanest to those that are most precious to us. Remember, our partners are our gifts, treat them with tender loving care.
Love, love, love them! Love is the ingredient that creates magic and miracles. Love can heal any wound. Love can overcome any obstacles. Love is the draw for us connecting and being close and being in relationship.
Be creative! Write a love note to your partner every day! Bring in generosity, kindness, recognition and beautiful communication skills and put it on paper! Don’t forget to text and email and send constant reminders to your partner about your love and dedication to them. Love BIG! Tell your mate you love them all day! Try for at least 20 times. Hug them, kiss them, compliment them! We can never, ever, ever do these things enough!
Let your partner know how important they are to you. How much it means to you that they are in your life. Spend time with your partner as if your time with them is brand new and you are enchanted with their presence in your life.
If you are in a constant state of loving the one you are with, then that love will guide you through the difficult moments and challenges. And, that love will grow stronger every day.
Sivan Garr is a remarkable individual and a gifted spiritual teacher. She has dedicated her life to being a guide, a light and a messenger in assisting others in finding their wholeness; their happiness; their freedom of expression; their heart.
Committed to the belief that each individual possesses the answer to healing the planet and establishing peace, Sivan’s resolve is to share her love, clarity and teaching to as many people as possible; while never underestimating the power of one soul.
“Each of us, within us, has the power and the intelligence to create miracles.”
Find out more about Sivan at www.SivanGarr.com