"Becoming is better than being." — Carol Dweck
This blog is in its eleventh version. The other ten are in a graveyard, growing a small defensive crust. There is a name for that crust.
Ever been in a meeting with a thought half-formed, teetering between speaking it and risking a fumble or waiting only to deal with the ‘I wish I’d said’ after?
The brain reads unfamiliar behavior as risk. Sharing a half-formed thought triggers a body response the same as it would to a predator in the brush. Heart rate up, breath shallow, hands looking for something to do.
Yet, comfort has its own cost, and that awkward feeling comes with reward.
Childlike Abandon
At a friend’s four-year-old’s birthday picnic a few weeks back, I observed the antithesis of social fear.
Children careening through the bounce house in wide-eyed curiosity, narrating their own high jinx. The picnic table became a boat. The boat became a stage. Kids all saying the wrong words and laughing about it. They’ve not yet learned the social tax of getting things slightly wrong, so they keep experimenting.
Experimenting works for adults. Many have stopped taking risks. Some come to my trainings to put their toes in the water. Aware they want to improve, some told they need to after a performance review or getting passed over on a job they were in every way qualified for. Exposure therapy is taking small risks in low-stakes venues. Asking the barista for a drink using a new tone of voice or deliberate pause. Immersion therapy is throwing yourself in the deep end. Saying yes to giving that presentation, speaking at that event, representing your group at the next gathering. Comfort eventually grows uncomfortable on its own.Book Awkwardness
A New York publisher picked up Clear and Compelling last year and walked it back through revision with me. Going page by page taught me something I thought I already knew. Sentences I once wrote with confidence now read like someone explaining a joke. The section on Embrace the Awkward made me wince. The book about leaning into discomfort had been quietly avoiding its own. The pull to wait for Pulitzer-worthy polish kept me in paralysis. A publisher saw something in my first version worth shaping. My editor championed the work through revisions and the new edition arrives in October. Most of the preorders so far are from friends and clients who have been on this journey already, which is a kindness I am still finding words for. Thank you.Order your copy from your local bookstore today (and thank you!)
Try this
For an entire day, try out one new method of communicating: use one new gesture intentionally, make eye contact longer than feels natural, limit yourself to answering a question in under 7 words, or lean in and whisper something midway through your point. Speak the half-formed thought. Send the imperfect draft. Go for exposure or go for immersion. Notice what they actually do in response.
The fluency we want lives on the other side of the fumble. Speak the half-formed thought. Send the imperfect draft. Go for exposure or go for immersion. Notice what they actually do in response.
Discomfort is data. Awkward is a sign of growth
Communication strategies to help you lead through uncertainty
@ClearandCompelling #ClearandCompelling