“The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.” - Ancient Proverb
Performance v Presentation
There’s a version of me that knows exactly how to show up.
If I understand the expectations, the tone, the message, I can step into it seamlessly. I can read the script that’s been written and deliver it in a way that feels polished, even convincing. People nod. It lands. It works.
And yet, inside I know I’m performing.
A quiet truth I’ve had to face: I can perform or I can be authentic.
Authenticity brings a level of exposure that feels unfamiliar. It asks me to show parts of myself that I spent years learning how to manage, shape, and soften.
Growing up, I learned early that parts of me were better kept private. I became skilled at reading the room, adjusting, calibrating. I understood what earned approval and what created distance. That awareness became a strength, and it also became a pattern.
Over time, that pattern followed me into rooms where I wanted to be taken seriously. Into roles where I wanted to succeed. Into moments where I wanted to belong.
Smile here. Adjust there. Say it this way. Hold that back.
And for a while, it worked.
Until it didn’t.
The Realization
I began to understand that I could not meet every expectation in every room. That realization at first brought on panic attacks, until it climaxed into a strange kind of relief. It created space for choice.
My mentor told me to "just be myself." Somehow that didn't work because I wasn't sure which me to be.So I started experimenting. Small moments. Small risks. I let a little more of my natural voice come through. I allowed my personality to show up in ways that felt slightly outside my definition of “professional.” Some moments landed beautifully. Some felt like I overshot. Each one gave me feedback.
This was inspired by Carol Dweck's research on Growth Mindset. Progress happens through iteration. Identity evolves through action.
Perfection had been quietly driving a lot of my performance. It created a narrow path for how I was “supposed” to show up. When that pressure eased, something else emerged.
Practice.
I stopped trying to deliver a flawless version of myself and started practicing being myself in real time.
That practice included discomfort. It included moments where my voice felt unfamiliar. It included learning how to communicate with clarity while staying connected to who I am.
As highlighted in the principles in my book, Clear & Compelling, growth often requires stepping into the awkward and learning through action.
What About You?
If you’ve ever felt the pull to perform, you’re not alone.
High-achieving environments reward polish, precision, and control. Those are valuable skills. They also create space for a different question:
What would it look like to bring a little more of you into the room?
This doesn’t require a complete shift overnight. It starts small.
Try This This Week
The “10% More You” Exercise
In your next meeting, presentation, or conversation:
- Identify one way you typically “perform” (tone, phrasing, posture, level of formality)
- Add 10% more of your natural self (a story, a moment of honesty, a slightly more relaxed delivery)
- Notice the response Pay attention to how it feels in your body and how others engage
This aligns with the idea of “finding the line” from presence strategies—expanding your range through small, intentional stretches.
There’s a version of you that knows how to perform. There’s also a version of you that people are waiting to hear from.
One builds approval. One builds connection.
Both take skill, but one takes courage. Give yourself permission to practice. And if it feels a little awkward at first… you’re doing it right.
Further Resource: Have a watch of Caroline McHugh's TedxMilton " The Art of Being Yourself."Communication strategies help you navigate your organization's culture with ease!
@ClearandCompelling #ClearandCompelling