Last week I was in Indianapolis with 20 CEOs for a full-day off-site. When it was over, all I could do was lie on the hotel bed staring at the ceiling.
Where do you show up in service to others in ways that extend past your bandwidth, and what do you do to recover?
It took a long time to realize I'm an introvert, partially because I had gotten so good at performing like an extravert. My strategy had been to "just keep swimming" until a participant on a training claimed the title with a glint in her eye.
Fluent in extravert
Growing up in a family of extraverts, I simply accepted the exhaustion that came with events as the price of doing business. Truth is, it was the price of doing an impression.
My fear of the label came early on, as the only introvert I knew was a family friend who came with the warning, "doesn't talk much." So I set out to push myself, even into burnout.
When I finally owned my needs, it felt like setting down a backpack I had carried so long I stopped feeling the weight. And fun fact, introverts do talk a lot when the space is right.
Prepare. Perform. Recover.
Maybe you have your own version of the role you are now expected to play at work. The reliable one. The funny one. The one who never says no. Which role do you play so well it runs on autopilot?
Part of what keeps the role running is a quiet fear with a research name: typecasting. Sociologist Ezra Zuckerman studied it in Hollywood, where the better known an actor becomes for one kind of role, the harder the market makes it to cast them in anything else. Workplaces run the same casting logic. Once you become known as something, it can feel like the role is yours forever.
Psychologist Brian Little calls these performances free traits. We act out of character in service of work and people we love, and that can be healthy, right up until we skip the recovery. His research points to a clear pattern: sustained performance without what he calls restorative niches is a fast lane to burnout.
The fix came for me with the strategy of Prepare-Perform-Recover. Do what is necessary to get ready, and then show up fully for the moment. Then plan time to recover. Imagine that: a day off after a big push. You deserve it.
The most extraverted person I know solidified this for me. Before a big networking event, which puts him squarely in his happy place, he would insist on being left alone for an afternoon nap. Every time.
Try this
Before your next high-stakes room, take five minutes for one pre-stage ritual. Start with box breathing: three belly breaths, in for 4, hold for 5, out for 6, hold the exhale for 7. Then, once you're in the room, notice the first moment the role takes over. Name it silently. Feel your feet on the floor and come back.
Worth your time
Stage Ready Rituals. Built this checklist years ago for my own pre-stage nerves. It still runs before every keynote. Eight quick rituals to quiet nerves, focus your message, and walk into any room grounded.
The Introverted Leader podcast. We go deeper into this claiming story, and what changed on the other side of it. A conversation about leading and communicating from an introvert's operating system.
Written for exactly this
Structure creates the freedom quiet, precise thinkers need to be fully themselves in the spotlight. That conviction became a through line in my book, Clear and Compelling, arriving this October from Morgan James Publishing. Frameworks that let analytical, quiet, precise minds carry a room without performing someone else's part.
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The act can win the room and lock you into the role. — Salvatore Manzi
Communication strategies to help you lead with care and accountability
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